I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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