Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How naked do you want me to be?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
