I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
