oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
