Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
