Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
