the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he was CRYING into my vagina
birth control should be required to get into college
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
