you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
