I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
