Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
