i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
