So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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