there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
