Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
