She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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