I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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