OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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