I hate all girls vehemently.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
