i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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