chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
