I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
