dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
