Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just found puke in my bra..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
