haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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