How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
