woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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