Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I look better un-naked...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
