My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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