Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
