Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
