Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
