If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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