did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
