apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
