I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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