bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
