My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Girls should come with a carfax report
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
