I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
