i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
