you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
