I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
