You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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