You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Who did Billy Mays play for?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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