I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i think my cat just said my name.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
