Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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