All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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