So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
