It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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