He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
