I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
