shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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