Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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